This is all too heavy for you, little girl,
This weight will break you,
Let someone stronger carry it,
Let the nice stranger lift it.
This is all too heavy for you, miss,
Those two things on your chest
Like they grew overnight
Mountains now yours to carry.
This is all too heavy for you, young lady,
Those thoughts. You have to fight them,
You’re shrinking and you look amazing but
The weight of your thoughts will kill you.
This is all too heavy for you, baby girl,
What do you mean you’re alive again?
You cannot carry that weight around
This is not supposed to happen to you.
This is all too heavy for me.
And by this, I mean I.
And maybe the mental pressure is heavier
Than the tangible heaviness of my body
This is all just heavy, I guess,
Heavy to process and heavy to live with
And you make it heavier,
I wish I didn’t blame you for it.
This is heavy but this is me.
I am heavy but I am light as air.
I will rise just the same.
I will make peace.
This could be heavy but I won’t let it
I am burying the hatchet
Fighting against myself means I can only lose,
So I won’t fight.
I am heavy, but this is not.
Heavy, probably the most personal piece so far, was written in 2017 after a long night of self-loathing and tears. It tries to illustrate the complicated process of coming to terms with the transformations a body goes through.